Restaurant Therapy Part II

As you may have guessed, today was a strange day full of advice-giving. The second part of my Restaurant Therapy post is dedicated to the weirdest advice I have ever had to give. I'm interested in hearing YOUR advice, so please feel free to comment below.

Two very talkative, very friendly guys in their late twenties came up to my bar rail today to have a couple beers and some food. Again, I was dealing with veteran advice givers; both of these guys were bartenders in the Caribbean until they'd recently decided to come home. Upon learning this information, I immediately thought of Tom Cruise in Cocktail. If you haven't seen it, it's a classic for all bartenders.

I hear the guys whispering to each other, and then finally one of them says, "Okay, you're a bartender, which means you have to listen to our problems and give us advice. What do you think we should do about this?" He goes on to tell me about a girl who is "a genuinely nice person, but is dumb as bricks." She lives in the apartment above the two guys, and she makes a living by working as a stripper and (they were pretty sure) as a prostitute. After telling me about ten times how nice this girl is, he tells me that they've begun hanging out with her and that she has developed an interest in the one of them. The one she is interested in, however, is not sexually or romantically interested in her.

A few nights ago, this very nice young woman showed up at the two guys' apartment in tears, crying about how she's just realized that her life is meaningless. There is nobody in her life that really cares about her on any level, and she wants to see a change happen but doesn't know what to do.

These two needed help with two separate dilemmas:

1) "How do we stage a whore-vention with her and explain nicely that her life sucks because she's a whore?"

2) "How do I tell her I don't want to sleep with her because sleeping with her would be like sleeping with 1000 other guys?"

Despite their word choice, I got the feeling that these guys really wanted to help her out, but that they just weren't sure how to do it. I didn't know exactly what to say, so I said something along these lines: "Well, she probably needs a couple of good friends in the world, so it's good that you guys want to hang out with her and help her. At some point, honesty will probably go a long way, but I'm not sure what I'd say right now."

What do you guys think?

Restaurant Therapy Part I

Bartending is the poor man's therapy gig. If you don't have the money for numerous degrees in clinical psychology, learn to mix drinks. People will talk about anything once they're seated at a bar rail. I've gotten some pretty crazy life stories out of people: the couple that drove a semi-truck for a living and didn't have a fixed home, the soldier who had just returned from Iraq only to find that the love of his life was leaving him for his best friend, and lots of lonely businessmen that don't have anybody else to talk to.

Today, I found out what it's like to be on the other side of restaurant therapy. I've never had a customer like this before, so I thought, "Finally! Inspiration for my blog!"

A couple of men came in for lunch. They seemed to be in pretty good moods, and they liked to joke around. For the hour that they were at the table, they gave me a hard time about a bunch of different things (they accused me of switching their beers, letting them order too much to eat, etc.--all the while joking about it). At the end of their stay, one of the two starts an interesting conversation with me:

Guy: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure...

Guy: Do you have any idea how much you apologize to people?

Me: Well, no. I guess I hadn't realized I did that, but I suppose you're right. I do apologize a lot.

Guy: You've probably apologized to us ten times since we got here. You just apologized for letting us order too much food! We ordered it! It's our fault! You know how to do your job, so don't apologize for yourself!

Me: (awkward silence)

Guy: Have you apologized to that table over there yet?

Me: Oh my God! Yes, I have! I didn't even think about it!

Guy: You see? You apologize too much! Don't do it anymore!

I found out later that this expert restaurant therapist used to work in a restaurant full time, so he was used to giving out advice. Nevertheless, what he said really stuck with me. I realized that I DO apologize too much in many areas of my life--even those that lie outside of waiting tables. All of this led to an empowering day. For the rest of the afternoon, I didn't take shit from anybody, and I didn't apologize at all, either.